The Dash

Linda Ellis’s 1996 poem “The Dash” is a quiet, powerful reminder of what actually matters. On a tombstone, between the year of birth and the year of death, there is a small hyphen - the dash. That tiny mark represents everything in between: how a person lived, loved, and spent their time.

It stands for the tender moments, the ordinary days that became extraordinary in memory, and the ways we showed up for the people around us. It is the life that was lived, not just the dates that framed it.

I am privileged and humbled to help families and friends mark a Celebration of Life, or dedicate a tree or bench to a loved one. Together we gather stories of how a beloved lived their dash. Those shared memories become a living tribute, not only to the person they were, but to the impact they left behind.

A few years ago, while preparing to officiate a Celebration of Life, one of the daughters approached me before the service. She wanted more than anything to make sure everyone heard how wonderful her mother had been. I gently told her something I’ve seen play out many times: once the service begins, she would likely hear things from the people she had chosen to speak that she had never heard before.

She wiped her tears, thanked me, and took her seat.

After the service, she found me again. She said she had no idea her mother had regularly babysat for single mothers in the community so they could work and get back on their feet. There were other quiet acts of kindness, too. Small, consistent ways her mother had shown up for people that had never been shared at home. The stories that emerged painted a fuller picture of a life well lived.

Reciting “The Dash” that day made the poem suddenly personal for many in the room. Afterward, several attendees told me the service had given them a moment of pause, not only to honor the person who had died, but to consider the dash they themselves were still writing.

This poem is timeless as it relates to all of us still living. It gently asks us to notice how we are spending the space between our own two dates, and to live in a way that would make the people who love us proud of the stories they will one day tell.

In Gratitude Rev. Dr. Rhonda Schienle